. . . to scroll down a few posts and sign up for the book giveaway!

Names will be drawn tomorrow!!!

Have a great day!

Cara

Happy Tuesday, Marriage Mixers!

I SO enjoyed giving away a few books last month that I have decided to do it again.

And again

and again.

In fact, be on the lookout, because once a month you will find a book give away on this blog.

Leave a comment about one thing you like about your spouse (even if it is something you have not seen in years and you can’t think of anything else) and I will enter your name in a drawing that will take place on Friday!

from the flicker feed of Skye Gazer

I mentioned this a week or two ago, but I think I should probably expand upon it . . .

THE MARRIAGE MIX IS TAKING OFF!

My hope in writing this  blog is that it will help other people to realize that they are not weird or odd or alone.  That their marriages are not that different from those of the people around them - but the problem is just that other people are not talking, so they feel alone.  This made me sad.  So, I started talking.  And I have spent the past month telling you one thing, over and over again: “Marriage is not easy for most of us and if you relate to that, you are not alone.” I have been trying to say, “If it is hard, and I mean really really hard, you still don’t have to give up if you don’t want to! There is hope.  You are not alone.”

I realized early on in this blog that I wanted other people to start blogging with me.  I have a lot to say, but not everyone can relate to my story; my voice.  So, starting tomorrow, you will start to see some changes on this blog.  You will see new faces and hear new voices. There will be stories from people who have had it easier than I have . . . and stories from people who have had it harder.  But one thing is sure, there will be stories of real, honest people who love marriage, but know it is hard!  I sure hope you enjoy it.

Then later this week, you will see a new look on this blog, thanks to my tech geek husband!

In all of these changes, I am striving to make this blog the BEST it can be!  I want to spread this message that love and marriage are not perfect to as many people as I can.  SO, can you help out? Tell your friends about this blog.  Add it to your blog lines or your blog reader (that helps with “google juice”).  Write a short post about it on your blog.  Add it to the links section on your blog. Is this shameless self-endorsement? Perhaps, but I think if you have read more than one post on this blog, you know I don’t know how to beat around the bush, much.  The truth is, I need your help.  SO, here I am, asking for it.

Please
And
Thank
You!!!

Hang on, we are off for the ride of a lifetime!

all photo credits go to sarah bowen

Good Morning, MarriageMixers!
(We still have not decided if we like that term, MarriageMixers, have we? What do you think?)

I wanted to tell you about a new blog written by one of my favorite artists, a fellow Colorado girl, Sarah Bowen and her new photography blog, The Photo Process. This blog is chalk full of beautiful photography (her own and the work of others), challenges, and inspiration.  You may be thinking, “Um, Cara, what does photography have to do with the reality of marriage?”

Well, great question!   Let me tell you!  One of the things Herb and I have struggled with the past three plus years is maintaining ourselves . . . investing in the individual of Cara and the individual of Herb.  Remembering who we are, what we like, what we are good at.  For me, writing this blog is an act of pursuing myself - loving on the parts of me that are unique and talented as a writer and as someone who does not mind speaking her truth out of fear of being judged.  Those things are true about me and when I don’t invest in those parts, I seriously begin to whither inside.  NOT FUN.

So, I share Sarah with you to inspire you to find what stirs you up inside.  If it is photography, great!  You now have access to a powerhouse of inspiration!  If not, I have found that following other people pursuing their passions encourages me to follow my own! So watch Sarah do her thing and then go do yours - whatever that may be!  Experiment with many things.  I went through a scrapbooking, painting, photography phase (for almost three years!) before I realized that my true loves are (and have always been) cooking and writing.  But I needed to try a lot of hats on before I came to that conclusion.  So go play and have fun as you get to know yourself again!

The other reason I share Sarah with you today is because nearly EVERY single photo she takes (or finds) is awe inspiring.  They move me.  They take my breath away.  They make me feel.  They are beautiful.  And surrounding ourselves with beauty is SO important.  Especially if you are in one of those nasty, cob webby, dark corners of marriage.  It is essential to put yourself in the face of beauty - otherwise we forget that there is anything good and right in the world.  And we loose hope.

So, go visit Sarah’s new blog. Leave her some love.   Inspire yourself!

ENJOY YOUR DAY!
Cara

Hey all, I am keeping this at the top for a little while longer, because I would really love to know what you think about this! Be sure to look BELOW this post for NEW POSTS (like, in a few hours!)

THANKS!
Cara

Real quick, I wanted to pop in again today and ask you a question.

Next month, I am going to start interviewing couples who are committed to their non-perfect marriages.

So my question is, what kinds of questions would you like for them to answer?

What are the things that you think you are alone in?

What are the things that you want to know how other people cope with?

My hope is that their open and honest diologue about their marraige will be super encouraging.

THANKS!
Cara

Happy Thursday, MarriageMixers!

(MarriageMixers, that is a new one.  Just trying it on for size.  What do you think? Cool? Or maybe not so cool?)

First of all, I have to give a huge THANK YOU to all of you who have been reading this blog, added it to your link or blog lines, told your friends, left a comment, or even just read something while “lurking” that made you think.  I appreciate all of your involvement and positive feedback!  It is really cool and very much appreciated!

This afternoon I drew the names of two readers to each win a great marriage book.

If I did not draw your name, don’t fret.  Herb unpacked a huge box from Amazon last night FULL of books that I purchased for future giveaways.  I plan to do one each month.

This months winners are . . . .

“My friend Callie shared your blog with me. Thanks so much for starting this. Marriage is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Like you I am not willing to allow divorce be the answer even when it seems that it would be easier at times. Here’s to making marriages work!” -  Amanda Ditmer

I added your new blog to my daily reads. All the posts I have read so far are amazing and insightful. I plan to comment soon. - Tammy

Congrats Tammy and Amanda.

Email me at cara at herbandcara . com with your address and I will get these in the mail early next week!

I would love to give you some books.
These books I am giving away are great books on marriage!
So, I would love to give more people the chance to get them.
If you don’t care to add this blog to your blog lines or link it up to your blog,
that is okay!

All you have to do
is leave me a comment!
Just let me know that you are here!

I will draw a name from both blogs
on Thursday
and post the winner that evening!

In other news,
I wanted to let you know that
in a few weeks,
we will start having some AMAZING
guest bloggers
contributing every Wednesday
in the Love Stories section.

This month you will also see TWO
new types of posts
which will leave you with FIVE days

of MarriageMix posts!

So get excited -
I am!

photo credit: kara haupt www.oldladyinateenager.blogspot.com

“What a grand thing to be loved!

What a grander thing still, to love!”

- Victor Hugo

Since this blog is all about finding hope that marriages can work (that our generation does not have to follow in the statistical footsteps of our parents) it is my hope to get the word out about this blog, so we can create more and more encouraging, hopeful conversations about love and marriage.

Would you like to help?
Great, I thought you might!
You can help out by adding this blog to your list of links on your own blog

OR

You can add this blog to your blog reader

Once you do that, come back here and leave a comment and you will be entered in a drawing to win one of these thoughtful, brilliant books about marriage!

Easy as pie, right?

Right.

My name is Cara Harjes.  I am a writer, a psychotherapist, and a connoisseur of lazy rivers and tiramisu!  Three years ago, I married a wonderful man named Herb.  We were friends first and then had a whirlwind romance.  Within the first three or four days of our honeymoon, things began to slowly shift in our relationship.   At first, we laughed about it, and convinced ourselves that a daily argument was normal for being married just one month.  Within six months, things had gone from shifting to falling apart and we were no longer laughing.  Our love took the backseat to bickering, nagging, tears, and plenty of anger.

That summer, I remember trying to keep my head above water as I thought about how to deal with the mess we had created.  Everywhere I turned, it seemed that stories of difficult marriages always ended in divorce.   From what I was observing, it seemed that if you did not have an easy marriage, ending the relationship was the only option.  For a number of reasons (that I share in this blog), I knew I did not want a divorce, but in our throw-away culture, I had an impossible time finding stories to reassure me that we could find our own path and remain married.

Over the past three years, I have been on a quest to find something in between the “perfect marriage” (a myth) and ending the marriage.  Herb and I might never have a marriage that lands on the easier end of the spectrum, but we are very committed to our marriage.  So, we were left with one choice, to find a “third path”: another way, often unpaved, to navigate our relationship so we may stay together for the 70 years we signed up for!

This blog is the compilation of stories I (and others) have to share about how we have found our “third path”; how we have managed to stay (happily) married even in the midst of some very terrible times in our relationship.

It is not always easy to talk about the things that are tough in our marriages.  Whether it is an ongoing argument, infertility issues, or an affair, everyone faces conflict at some level during their marriage but we don’t always know where to turn during these times.  It is my hope that the stories you find here serve as a voice of encouragement and hope in what can be a very dark time of life.  I don’t have the answers about how to avoid divorce or fix your problems, but I do have a voice of hope to offer – a voice that says it IS possible to stay the course even when things become rocky.

This blog is not a “how to guide” for navigating the ups and downs of relationship, but rather a love letter to marriage itself; a testament that it is possible to create a marriage that works for you and your spouse.  It is a string of stories in which you might see a little bit of yourself and, with a deep sigh of relief, realize you are not alone.