He Said***She Said: Josh and Mandy Wright; pt. 4
Uncategorized April 27th, 2009
Josh and Mandy Wright have been married for nearly 11 years. They live in St. Louis, MO with their three children.
What keeps you committed to your spouse when things get tough (past or present)?
He Said:
Mandy and I have been together for the entirety of our adult lives. It’s hard to even conceive of me independently of her. Any circumstance in which I can imagine myself that doesn’t include the sharpening and refining and encouragement of a relationship with her seems incomplete. The volume of life that we’ve lived together is like ballast that keeps us from capsizing.
She Said:
I know that even though being paid attention to and flirted with (by someone new) might make me feel alive for a moment, it wouldn’t bring me real, lasting life. I trust that God wants to breathe real lasting life into me through this marriage. I really believe that He wants me to experience intimacy and peace and protection and acceptance through Josh.
Is there an area of personal growth that you need to work on in order for your marriage to thrive?
He Said:
Yeah. There are a bunch, actually. I should be more selfless—more concerned with what I can do for Mandy than what she can do for me. When we do have conflict, I wish that I could be less worried about “winning” and more interested in communicating honestly and effectively and loving Mandy well.
She Said:
Where do I even begin? God is constantly showing me how I sabotage my desire for intimacy by the way that I treat my husband. Because I am so comfortable with him, he often gets the worst side of me. If I’m frustrated at a situation or circumstance I often take it out on Josh. What I would like to do is stop and articulate the real issue to him so we can deal with it as a team. But, for example, if I have had a really rough day with my kids, when Josh comes home from work, instead of revealing the fact that I felt like a total failure all day and I need his encouragement and guidance, I’ll choose to be rude and say things like, “You have no idea what its like! You don’t understand me at all!”. Instead of addressing my own feelings of inadequacy I bring up any ways that he has been unavailable to me, leaving him to feel confused and isolated as a result. It is hard to be vulnerable, to talk about areas where I feel weak, but I have found that if I take that risk, my honesty is always rewarded by a supportive teammate.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Hi…this is my first time here. And wow, that post where she said she “sabotages intimacy” really freaked me out because just last night my husband used that same word and said I do that to our intimacy with my attitude towards him. I, of course, was completely offended and angry. Until I read this post. I mean, how often does anyone use the word sabotage? And now I read a story exactly like what take place in my own living room. Oh, how the Lord works….
Thanks for sharing this.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Oh, and by the way…my husband’s name is Josh too. So crazy.