For a quick refresher on Tony and Kelli, see part 1.

How do you tend to manage conflict as a couple?

He Said:

Neither of us hide our issues very well, so we tend to deal pretty quickly.   We tend to discuss in terms of “how I feel” and “I get frustrated when” type statements because both of us are sensitive to being projected upon or accused.  We also let our issues get worked out with the kids around so they can learn to manage conflict well too.  When we know it’s going to get difficult we actually write emails to each other so we can express our feelings in a manner that can’t get interrupted and isn’t clouded by emotion during the heat of discussion.  Unfortunately we never fight passionately enough for make-up sex.

She Said:

We are in most cases immediate “confronters”.  Sometimes Anthony will just get emotionally distant, but by now I can pick up on it pretty fast and call him out on it. We tend to go right then and there to confront and get an issue out of the way.  We’re both pretty good listeners and talk it out.  Rarely do we yell and scream anymore.  Depending on the issue, we will often create an actual plan of action.  For example, Tony has a mesage box that pops up on his computer at 5pm to tell him that work is over because he found himself just sitting on the computer and either working or playing just because he works from home and there wasn’t necessarily anything else to do.  But I wanted him to be with us, even if it was sitting at the table reading the paper while I’m cooking dinner.

I know it sounds a bit convenient and easy, but we just know each other.  We don’t really have many new issues.  It’s all the same ones and because we’re pretty honest and open about them they are actually growing smaller.