For a recap on all of our panelists, see here.

Jodie Allen
Matt Whiteford
Courtney Lynch	Dave Huff

Can marriage change a person?

Jodie: Yes, totally.

Matt: If marriage does not change a person, than I don’t think that person is married.  There is no way to go from 2 to 1 without changing.  I think that’s why so many marriages don’t make it (that was for free).

Courtney: Yes and No.  The only person it can change is the one who wants to be changed.  If that is you, then you will change, if that is your spouse, then they will change.

Dave: Um, it had better change a person.  What else should we expect?  A marriage is a living, breathing entity in many ways, and can only grow and mature if the two people who comprise the union grow and mature.  Anything else is simply an agreement for two individuals to operate their lives under the same roof with tax benefits.  What we must not expect of our spouse (or ourselves for that matter) is how and when change and growth shall take place – we must simply make room for it to happen through grace, patience and the humility that accompanies an understanding that we do not have the clairvoyance to know what is best for the other.

Should we expect our spouse to change and

grow over the years?

Jodie: Yes, but never in the way we hope! I know Chris wishes desperately that I would change and not be such a pile-creator. Or that I would stop leaving 15 water glasses on my bedside table. Or that I would clean my car out once in a while. And I of course wish he saw the things I did around our home more clearly. And I wish he would get used to the fact that I am not a good cook and probably never will be. However. In just 4+ short years we are changing how we speak to each other so as not to purposely hurt one another when angry. And we are learning to be more patient with one another, more forgiving and less judgmental. I try to keep my piles to a minimum and he takes care of my water glasses without saying a word.

Matt: Second part, yes, however sometimes I think we focus more on our spouses changing than ourselves.  It is easy to point the finger and blame Sherri for not changing as I sit here avoiding changing the things that will ultimately make our marriage better even if she doesn’t change.  Sometimes the change I think should be happening in Sherri’s life is not the change that she needs (again, playing to the selfish thing).

Courtney: I think that our daily influence on a person and, theirs on us, can change the way a person reacts, behaves and performs in life, but it is slow and requires tons of consistency.  I also think that the core of a person – their character - will not change unless they want to change.Dave: What we must not expect of our spouse (or ourselves for that matter) is how and when change and growth shall take place – we must simply make room for it to happen through grace, patience and the humility that accompanies an understanding that we do not have the clairvoyance to know what is best for the other.