He Said***She Said

Welcome to a new section on The Marriage Mix!  Each month, I will feature one couple’s relationship.  They will answer a handful of questions that I will then post their answers to over the course of that month.  This month, I hope you enjoy getting to Tony and Kelli Gambee!

Kelli and Tony were friends of my husband’s at a camp they worked at in college.  Somewhere along the line, we connected in BlogLand and became correspondants.  Then, about a year and a half ago, I met Kelli and Tony in person when they were on a 40 day summer road trip with their two sons.  They were driving through Denver on their way home to Michigan, and they spent a night with us.  From start to finish, I loved our time with the Gambees and wished that there were more couples out there who are as honest and as in love as Kelli and Tony are after over a decade of marriage!

ABOUT KELLI:

I am 34 years old and I live in the Detroit area of Michigan. I have two boys ages 9 and 11.  I work part time as a preschool assistant and spend many other hours in my week volunteering at my boys’ school and with a community garden that we started in our yard.  I love, love, love to travel.  If we weren’t so close to family here, I would want to sell my house, home-school my children and live as nomads.  Really, I would!  I guess you could call me a free spirit.  I love Jesus, but am finding myself struggling with just exactly what that looks like for me, but we’ll save that for some other blog.

ABOUT TONY:

Age 34 (almost).  I’m husband to Kelli, father to Noah and Sam. I have owned my own business for 12 years, developing software for camping ministries, auto industry and whoever else needs it.  My goal is to work as little as possible to have more family time and still make enough money to meet our standard of living (for more, read “The Four Hour Work Week” by Tim Ferris).

To read more about me and my views on business and family go to my blog…

MARRIED:  12 years 4 months

Dream/Goal as a Couple:  To successfully raise and move out on their own; two boys that have jobs, love God, and are well adjusted.  Then, to travel, grow old, rock in rocking chairs and kiss with our teeth out.

Favorite Song: Percy Sledge: Tender Love

First Kiss: In Evart, Michigan where the camp is that we met at.  Our first kiss was at a bridge that we went to.  I (Tony) will admit to being a pretty bad kisser.  It was after watching Casper the Friendly Ghost at the theater and holding hands for the first time.  This was almost as big of a deal to me.

Favorite thing to do: go out to dinner, tiger baseball games, bookstore.

What has surprised you about marriage?

HE SAID: My parents’ example of marriage wasn’t a cookie cutter we could use on our marriage.  I think maybe I thought I was marrying someone just like my mom and I could act like I saw my dad act.  But I realized she wasn’t my mom and I wasn’t my dad.

Our marriage is unique, not odd or strange, but it’s a snowflake like all of them.  I try to live to serve my wife.  My dad, whom I respect tremendously for being a serving and generous person, expects a lot from my mom.  He is the first person to jump if anyone, including strangers, need a hand.  But, I don’t think I’ve seen him clean a toilet.

I came into the marriage having a predefined list of responsibilities based on my parent’s marriage, but we had to work those out between us over time.  Kelli is and was aware of my paradigm so she understands me.  I have a self starter, rescuer personality, so based on our courtship, maybe Kelli expected me to do everything.  There are certain roles in the marriage that belong to us even though they don’t come naturally to us.  In that, we have to judge lightly the performance of the other in that responsibility.

SHE SAID: Gosh, it’s hard to say.  We were married so young that I don’t think I had any expectations of what marriage should look like.  The examples of marriage that I had was not positive and I only knew that I didn’t want my marriage to end like my parents’.  So, I just sort of jumped in and started treading water.  I guess one thing that surprises me today is how after 12 years you can really know a person; anticipate their thoughts, sometimes even before they do.  I can’t believe that being as young as I was when I got married that I would still want to be with this same person today.  I also can’t believe how much I have learned about myself and that old patterns die hard.